LISTEN to Your Body (How to Create a Relationship with your Body)

Author

Mark McCourt
December 03, 2022

I never listened to my body.

I never took the time to learn about it. To understand what these signals actually meant.

I ignored my body for 10 years.

The whispers slowly turned into SCREAMS.

Until one day I was FORCED to listen to my body.

I'm 25, and I have to give up Jiu Jitsu the sport I love.

I give up the gym too as I constantly just get injured. Stuck on the roundabout of injuries and average progress.

I'm in chronic pain feeling like the tin man, when I should be coming into the prime of my life!

Having taken sports seriously and been an athlete for most of my life until college, being here at 25 and having my physical freedom taken away from me was one of my nightmares.

...........what the f**k am I going to do now?! Sport and training was my LIFE!!!......

You see the glory on the pitch, but you don't see the despair off it on the other side for people who end up like I did.

"yeah he was a great player!"

Who the f**k cares if I can't even do things I want to do from 25-100, aka the MAJORITY OF MY LIFE.

I was in a hole now. I never imagined it would happen to me.

This was my rock bottom in terms of my body. I still remember coming out of the last consultation with the 5th 'expert' on the body in a row looking for answers.

The final conclusion for me? It's time to settle Mark, I'm sorry. You have scolisios and this has led into all these chronic pains you have in your neck hips, knee, back. Nothing can be done. If I found you at 15 I could have helped. Your body isn't able for Jiu Jitsu, take up swimming.

She was a lovely lady, I liked her. But f**k that.

I remember coming out of that consultation. Told my gf at the time what happened. I could see her concern for me. Expecting tears.

I am an emotional man, but that was no time for tears. Not anymore. All the good they do.

This is the moment where the frustration of 10 years of trying to overcome this peaked. I decided to leave the healthcare route.

This is what I get after 10 years of paying them? To be told to settle and nothing can be done?!

I'm not going to let your opinion become my destiny. Time to settle, we'll see about that.

This is when I took OWNERSHIP of my body.

This is when I took RESPONSIBILTIY of my body.

Nobody else could 'fix' me. They tried for 10 years.

I'm not leaving the only body I will ever have in the hands of someone else ever again.

I'M TAKING BACK CONTROL NOW.

I never want to be in a situation like this ever again.

This is when the DON'T SETTLE attitude took off for me.

I couldn't just leave it like that.

I never gave up on the pitch and that's what got me here.

Now it was time to use this relentless drive and stubbornness to get me out of this hole.

I'm not going to settle for this. It's not going to be how my story ends.

I went off on my own looking for better answers and FOLLOWING THE RESULTS....over doctorates & degrees, and it changed my life.

One of the things I learned that was vital for me to get my Physical Freedom back, was about how to develop a RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BODY.

Yes, a relationship with my body.

Everybody (including younger me), treats their body like a machine. Like a car. We redline it and drive it into the ground.......and then think we can just go to the garage and get a 'fix'......and everything will be ok.

We act like its a car that we think can be REPLACED.

Yeah, drive your car to the brink of breakdown. Crash it and write it off. No biggie, just get a new one.

BUT YOU ONLY GET ONE BODY.

My body had 'broken down' at 25. My body was 'written off'...........but I can't fucking buy a new one. I wish I could but that's not how it works.

You only get one body. And if you want your PHYSICAL FREEDOM to be able to look after you and your family as you age, and be able to do the sports & activities you love.......you better perk up and start taking this seriously.

Nobody will have to live with the consequences of your decisions except you. And it's not a nice place to be when you are in that hole and wondering how you got there.

LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES. Don't let it get that far.

Prevention is better than the cure.

Think of it like a RELATIONSHIP with Your Body

This is absolutely KEY.

Once you have this perspective shift and start looking at your body like a relationship instead of a product (like a car or machine), you will never look at the human body the same way again.

When we look at in through the lens of a relationship, this analogy empowers us to take ACTIONS that will actually help us long term.

It will help us understand our body so much better. Help us get our physical freedom back, and also give us peace along the way.

If you had a partner and ignored all the signals they were trying to tell you (tightness/stiffness), how would the relationship be after a few months?

If you keep ignoring the signals from your partner, he/she would grow even more annoyed, and eventually they will explode at you (chronic pain).

If you don’t listen when your body whispers, you will have to put it with it SCREAM.....just like a partner.

We know that if we ignore our partner, treat them like shit, and don’t take the time to actually UNDERSTAND them and whats going on……that this relationship is doomed.

IT'S THE EXACT SAME FOR YOUR BODY.

If you never even took the time or effort to actually LISTEN to your partner and try to understand what these signals actually MEAN.......the relationship is doomed.

And it's the same with the body.

Nobody even knows what the tightness/stiffness ACTUALLY MEANS. Your brain is actually doing you a favour. Your brain is only making you tight & stiff to PROTECT you.

Imagine we never showed our partner any love or affection.....and they were always cold with us. Snapping at us. And we are like "hmmmm how do I fix this? Let go to one marriage counseling session every 6 months. That'll work".

And then continue to do NOTHING outside of those sessions. How would the relationship be? It would be the exact fucking same. Because you go back into your old patterns (this is like going to the physio/chiro/doctor etc for a 'fix' for your pain).

You can see how in this relationship with our body, we are a joke of a partner. If your body could have left you by now, IT WOULD HAVE. And that's the harsh truth.

But it's stuck with you, just like you are stuck with them.

So you have 2 choices:

  1. Keep ignoring and neglecting the relationship with your body and let it deteriorate further and get worse

  2. PRIORITISE THE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE ONLY BODY YOU WILL EVER HAVE

So just the same way that we would work on improving that relationship with our partner, that is the way to improve this relationship with your body.

LISTEN TO YOUR BODY

    What's the first step of improving any relationship?

    • Self-awareness (understanding how YOU work - I have linked articles above on how the body works. These articles will develop self-awareness about how your body actually works)

    • LISTENING to your partner and trying to understand them

    We need to actually pay attention and listen to our body if we want to understand it over the long term.

    Most people now have no clue what the signals from their body mean (just like younger me):

    • They get a pang of pain and they call the physio

    • They get pain in the same area for months/years and think they are fucked

    • They live in fear of these signals, as they have no clue what they mean

    Sound familiar?

    This is akin to not understanding yourself or your partner, and living in fear of every single time they give out to you, as you think that means you are a bad person and this relationship is fucked............I hope this is becoming crystal clear now.

    This is not the case at all (for the relationship with another human or with your body). But if you BELIEVE this......then it will becoming your REALITY. So it doesn't matter if its true or not.

    (Sidenote on beliefs: Your beliefs create your reality. Your beliefs are templates for which energy filters through. When you hold a belief, you subconsciously only focus on data which AFFIRMS it, and block out all data that disconfirms it. An example to prove this to you - think of something you changed your mind on in your life. Religion or politics maybe. Think of how you thought on either side of the belief change. See how you literally couldn't acknowledge the data to disconfirm your belief until you were OPEN to changing your beliefs? I used to be a devout Christian and nobody could tell me any different. Up until my brother questioned it. And then since I looked up to him, I started to question it too. And as you'll see, once you start to question your beliefs, most of them fall apart and you are released from their spell. Keep doing this and you'll get to the bedrock of your beliefs that are actually true. Well at least 'true' in the sense that this is how you want to live going forward. Empowering beliefs. Will do an article on beliefs at some stage. Life-changing stuff)

    I am literally using this "listen to your body" principle today as I write this newsletter.

    That's why I chose this topic for today.

    Yesterday I had an upper body (push) session. Overhead press & weighted ring pushups as the main exercises. Moved up to 30kg on the ring pushups. 1st set tough, but could push through. 2nd set on last rep my neck just completely locked up as I tried to push through the last rep.

    So through the LENS of treating my body like a relationship with a partner......I'm like shit OW haha, can barely look side to side instantly. Ok.......what caused this? And I think back.

    Got under 7 hours sleep last night (I usually get 7-8). I just did a days work and am training in the evening after being at the desk all day. The 1st set of 30kg felt TOUGH. Tougher than I expected. And when I'm honest with myself....I did feel the neck a small bit but through it was fine and pushed through. I also have a history of chronic neck pain for 10 years. I couldn't touch my chin of my chest, it was tight as fuck from previous injuries and not looking after my body in general. I had no clue how to.

    So it's like my partner has just shouted at me, but she:

    • has a lack of sleep

    • is a little stressed

    • and gave me a warning

    • and its over a topic that she is sensitive about....but I still ignored her

    See? It makes SENSE. I'm like yeah........that's fair enough. It happens in relationships. It's not always plain sailing.

    So now I have 2 choices:

    • Be like FUCK THIS. Fuck my life. I went through 10 years of chronic pain and injury to come back. And now this? I did the work? I should be FIXED. This isn't working. And stop priotising my body and drop off everything

    • Understand that it's a RELATIONSHIP with my body. That I upset my body and didn't listen. I didn't take the whisper seriously, and now I have to deal with it scream.

    See? this is literally LIFE CHANGING. Night and day in how you interact with your body.

    I listened to the scream, I apologise and understand......and now I show my body some love and continue to nurture the relationship

    I did some light movements & isometrics last night and this morning. I did some deep breathing and focusing on the injured area and releasing it.........and it's better than it was yesterday. I'm here in the coffee shop and I can look left out the window now, couldn't look left yesterday

    In another few days to a week of showing understanding and love to my body, we should be good again.

    Years ago I'd be thinking I've broken my neck and be calling someone to FIX ME. To SAVE ME.

    But with all the education and understanding on the human body now, I can manage it easily myself and get on with my life. This is what PHYSICAL FREEDOM is all about.

    Does it mean I will never get injured again? Nope that's impossible. You can never be bulletproof, no matter what reel said so.

    But you CAN empower yourself to be able to prepare your body as best you can and get back to the things you love. And you CAN learn to be able to look after your own body over time and handle the inevitable niggles & flare-ups that will happen if you are into sport/training.

    It's absolute night and day for me now. I want the same for you

    Cultivate the Relationship Going Forward

    Start to UNDERSTAND what these different signals mean.

    Treat it well. Give it the love it needs. Give it 10 mins a day minimum. Show it that you CARE.

    And realise that its something that has to be worked on DAILY.

    You can’t just do this for a few months and then feel better and go back to the way you were, imagine if you did that with a partner?!

    Ignore them for years, then treat them well for a few months, then go back to ignoring them……and you’re surprised that the relationship is shit?! Come on.

    It should be getting very clear now. You know what you need to do. And YOU have control over this. We all have so much more control than we think over our body, mindset & life.

    My body wanted to divorce me years ago at 25.

    I will always remember at my lowest point that I couldn't even do these 3 things without some sort of tightness/stiffness/pain:

    • Iron more than 3 shirts

    • Sitting on a train for too long

    • Standing still for too long.

    A long way from the mobility man doing the splits in my profile picture eh??? I was the fucking tin man before I was able to become the mobility man. Every master was once a disaster.

    I never knew what was happening. But now years later after working on the relationship with my body and treating it as my NUMBER 1 PRIORITY…..I’m back in the honeymoon phase.

    We still argue the odd time, but now I listen, and treat it as I should. Now its your turn to do the same.

    Work towards a great relationship with your body. You only get one and are forced to be partners for life.

    It's like you are handcuffed to a real life partner forever. Are you going to spend your life tearing each other apart? Or learn how to get along and thrive?

    Your choice.

    This has been a fundamental principle that I teach all clients who come to me to get their Physical Freedom back.

    And it's one that was crucial in me being able to get my own back.

    My goal is the opposite of the healthcare model. I don't want you to keep coming back to me as the 'expert', the only one you can 'fix you' each month and you have to come back forever. I teach you nothing so you always rely on me and come back to me indefinitely. You are disempowered.

    I want you to stay with me as I coach and educate you for as long as you need until you can LOOK AFTER YOURSELF. Until you TAKE BACK CONTROL of your own body. Until you are empowered. Then......I don't want to see you again. You have taken back control of your body, mindset & life and go do the things you want to do!

    THIS is how it should be. This is what I needed. This is what I provide to the world.

    Everything I do is based on what I needed but never got.

    My pain can equal your future PROGRESS. And that makes it all worth it for me.

    3 Actionable Takeaways:

    1. Change your PERSPECTIVE on your body

    • We aren't machines like cars where parts get broken & fixed

    • We can't replace our body like we can with products

    • We are adaptable organisms that change based on the relationship we have with it

    2. LISTEN to your body

    • Treat your body like a relationship with your partner

    • Don't be surprised it's not going well when you ignore it

    • You can't 'fix' a relationship, it's an ongoing process you work on & cultivate

    3. PRIORITISE your body

    • Start learning and understanding how your body works

    • Over time you will interpret the signals and know what they mean

    • You can come back from the brink of divorce, to the honeymoon phase over TIME

    Client Example:

    I teach all clients this perspective shift, but the client that springs to mind is Anna.

    I remember as she literally put it down as one of the main benefits of working together that really helped her. You can read Anna's full review here!

    My Week:

    Education:

    • Current Reading: The Denial of Death

    • Podcasts

    (Jocko Podcast - You Can't Change the Temperature of the Ocean. It's gonna be what it's gonna be. With Vietnam SEAL Gil Espinoza)

    (Just Fly Performance Podcast - Kyle Dobbs & Matt Domney on Practical Principles of High Intensity Training & Athletic Outputs)

    (Modern Wisdom Podcast #554 - Laura Vanderkam - Strategies to Better Control Your Time)

    (The Game with Alex Hormozi Ep 466 - How to Leverage Your Dark Side)

    Business:

    Frances suffered from a Maisonneuve fracture. She was going to do the normal rehab but she has a wedding to fly over to and only had 3.5 weeks to be ready for it! After seeing my recovery from this exact same injury in less than half the recommended time (you can read it in here in this article), she knew it was possible for her too and signed up!

    She's still meant to be walking on crutches with the boot. But now with education, coaching & guidance........she is walking with her foot on the floor!

    Love it!!! This is why I do it. You have a lot more control than you think. You just need the right education & coaching. And you'll understand the amazing power of SMALL GAINS by the end of your journey for sure ;)

    Personal:

    Fun this week:

    • Friday: Heading to Scooter's 'GOD SAVE THE RAVE' tour on Friday in the 3 arena hahaha. No joke. I was 30 back in August and my roommates bought us the tickets for the laugh! During lockdown one night we got a load of cans and had scooter blaring - his new tune at the time "Fuck 2020" haha. The man is nearly 60 haha. Be good fun all the same

    Training:

    Strength:

    • Upper (push): Tuesday

    • Knee rehab: Wednesday

    • One arm chin up session: Friday

    That's it!

    Go and nurture that relationship with your body now starting from today.

    Your future self will thank you.

    You may feel like your body wants to divorce you now, I've been there. But you can't get divorced. You are stuck together.

    Instead of berating each other for the rest of your life, work towards becoming best friends again.

    You can get back to the honeymoon phase.

    Just like in all relationships......blaming it on the other half doesn't go too well does it???

    Usually it's the person in the mirror who we should be trying to change, not them

    You have a lot more control than you think.

    Don’t Settle,

    Mark