How To Inspire (The Leader is the Limiter)

I'm going to take you through my journey from shy kid, to guywhodidntsettle, and all I learned along the way about how to inspire people.

You'll see how the starting points don't matter. You'll also see how you have been a leader all along. And how we are all leaders whether we want to be or not.

I will create windows where there were once walls for you. It will all make sense by the end.

The Starting Point

As a young kid I was inspired by many things.

Superhero’s, real people, they all provided their own source of inspiration.

I was very shy and wanted to be a fly on the wall pretty much up until my early to mid 20s.

The fact that I openly put myself out there to try and inspire change in others, would have terrified me before. And its still not easy today.

I wouldn’t want that responsibility. I would shy away from it.

I would cling to my mam just like I did when I was meant to get on stage at a tin whistle competition. It came to my turn but I froze in fear.

I never wanted to be here. Everyone is looking at me, I just want to go home. Even mam is telling me to go up but I don’t want to.

I retreat into my shell. Into my comfort zone. Terrified of putting myself out there. Of what others might think. What happens if I fail? The fear of the unknown.

It took a lot of work to overcome this, and while I can speak my true voice today openly to the world, I still get “you haven’t talked in a while, are you ok?” from some friends haha.

Sometimes I am very chatty (if I talk about something I am passionate about!), sometimes I just observe and don’t want to talk. I'm not one for small talk. I am comfortable with this now.

I used to feel pressure to talk just so people wouldn’t think I’m weird or awkward. I would try to get in an early word in a group just so I could have permission to relax and fade into the background.

Now I don’t give a shit, I be myself. If I want to talk I do, if I don’t I don’t. And people see me for who I am, and they move closer or move away over time. That is their choice.

As the saying goes, it’s better to be hated for who you are than liked for who you are not. Hated is a strong word there haha but you get the point.

Nowadays from the Instagram page I started 3 years ago, one of the most common compliments I get is how I INSPIRE people. It warms my heart.

But coming from this very shy place, I never thought I would. I didn’t THINK I could. But its your beliefs that shape your reality, a topic for another newsletter.

As I reflect on my childhood I can see how I became inspirational in my own way: through actions and not words. Words were never my strong point, not out loud anyway in front of a group anyway.

But give me a pen or laptop and I could write for days. The less you talk, the more you observe and learn. And since I don't talk much, most of my day is filled with learning from wise people accross a range of topics. I love it.

My head is filled with so much information. I love learning, it makes me feel ALIVE.

A few memories spring to mind. They would embarrass me before, and I have probably never said them to anyone, but now they make me proud when I reflect on them. Here are the top 3 that inspire myself when I think back. When I thought I 'wasn't inspirational' because I was too shy:

1. Early team experiences

I was captain for most of the gaelic and soccer teams growing up. I thought it was because I was one of the better players (and maybe it was), but I like to think now that it was because of my actions on the pitch.

I would barely say a word, but I would leave it all on the pitch. The scoreboard never mattered to me in terms of effort. I will give 100% until the final whistle blows. I wouldn’t give in, no matter the score.

I think this is probably the reason why. The captain is meant to embody the BEHAVIOURS you want from the players, and you want everyone to give 100% no matter what.

Now that I know ACTIONS speak louder than words, I think it was mainly for the inspirational behaviors I showed on the pitch. But who knows.

2. DCU Soccer

This one sticks out in my mind. Sometimes it pops into my head randomly and inspires me. It was when I was working an internship in college, I played with the DCU weekend team.

We were pretty shit and were near the bottom of the league. We would lose most matches. But again……..100% was my commitment to myself and the team no matter what.

2 games stick out for me. Based on what other people said to me afterward. I didn’t think much of it at the time (this is just my standard for myself), but the reaction of others really showed me how I HAVE THE CAPACITY TO INSPIRE.

First one - we are getting hammered. Probably 4-0 or more. The usual. The other team is taking the piss. I am a much better center back, but sometimes I was moved to midfield to try and get things going.

Everyone on our team is completely deflated. The other team pass it back to the center mid. I took off after the ball while others barely bothered.

I could see him flicking it around, taking it easy, a few feints to try throw me off, but I kept with him and hit him with a sliding tackle and got the ball (along with him haha tough but fair).

He was upended and shouting for a free kick, but I took the ball ran 20 yards, and shot from about 30 yards out. The keeper wasn't expecting it and had to run backwards and tip it over the bar. Nealry fucking went in!

The manager was going mental on the sidelines, the players started shouting now too. Everyone was getting riled up and starting taking it seriously again. Playing for pride. We have something to fight for now.

At halftime then the manager slated the team. Asking why the fuck does he even come out here on Sundays anymore?! Should we just leave it there for the season?? Pull out of the league?! Effort is the bare minimum for any team and the team gave up after a few goals went in......AGAIN.

But he pointed at me and said “Mark is the only one who gives a fuck about the jersey on his back”. And how everyone needs to give my effort as a minimum if we are going to stand a chance of not getting relegated. He talked me up in front of everyone. I look at the ground embarrassed & awkward. But I never forgot that line.

2nd example is also playing midfield. Same thing, chasing down the ball like a madman.

I blocked a pass, and ran forward but the ball was just out of reach, I ran and blocked the next clearance attempt too, and the ball was knocked back to the defender now, I kept running but I tripped and was stumbling forward……so I just dived forwards to block the last ball head first. I blocked the last clearance with my upper back I think, and we had gained 40 yards up the pitch and pinned them deeper into their own half for a throw-in.

I remember the lift this gave the team again. I remember one of the lads saying you psycho haha and that it was like vidic for man united (clip here)

I developed hamstring tendonitis that season from all the running I was doing. My job for the season was basically chasing the ball like a lunatic. Yes sir. If that’s my job, I’ll do it to the best of my ability.

Why do these moments stick with me? Because I didn't say one word……but my actions INSPIRED EVERYONE AROUND ME. I saw the effects it can have.

I saw how the shyest, most easily embarrassed, low confidence person in a group, can provide the most INSPIRATION. Funny how that works eh?! Where are all the confident cocky people from the dressing room.........when shit gets tough on the pitch? Sometimes nowhere to be found.

I learned that ego, extroversion, confidence aren’t necessarily what provides inspiration to people. For my fellow introverts, this should be charging you. We can do it in our own way.

3. Longford Town

The final memory is playing for Longford Town U-16s. We had a class team back then. League and cup champs and got to the quarter final of the underage FAI cup. I was taking soccer seriously here, for the DCU team years later in my 9-5 it was just Sunday league.

One day our eccentric manager brought a speaker system to training. He did some mad stuff so this wasn’t exactly a shock haha. He put on “a little less conversation” by Elvis, the song for this famous TV advert with the best soccer players in the world flaunting their skills (video here). Just watched it there, the nostalgia!! haha

But with that music blaring……we FELT like we were those players. We FELT like the best players in the world. We were all trying skills, playing freely, not holding back. We were playing like Brazil and having so much fun!

Then the coach said “Ok everyoneeeeeeee……..now I want you to be COMPLETELY SELFISH. Don’t pass the ball……SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT. Lets see your best!!!”

I would never usually hog the ball as my shyness would make me pass it. I could beat a player, was pretty skillful (Especially for a center half!), but I would usually not take it too far. I would never be selfish.

But now that I had PERMISSION to be completely selfish with the ball……..ok lets fucking go!

I remember getting the ball at the back (it was a 5 a side astro pitch like in the video). I just let go and took on everyone. I somehow dribbled past 5 players like Messi, I don't even know how I did it, complete flow zone, and when the keeper came up I chipped it over him and it went in…………………OHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

What a fucking goal that was. Holy shit. Team went wild. Manager smiling over on the sidelines. I was like what just happened there. That was insane.

I used to think he was a gimp but looking back that manager was brilliant. Odd but brilliant. Here he taught me how dimming my own light for others……..HOLDS ME BACK FROM GREATNESS.

I am literally just realising now through my current level of self awareness - that he was showing me I don’t need ANYONE’S PERMISSION to show up at my absolute best. You need to be selfish to bring this out of you.

Greatness comes when you drop the false beliefs/stories of need to appease others, and you become selfish and let your light shine the brightest it fucking can.

He also did it with penalties. I took one with the pressure on and I missed. I tried to place it carefully into the corner like I usually did. Then he told me “this penalty doesn’t matter, just do whatever you want”.

And with the pressure off, I just ran up and smashed it into the top corner. I don’t even think he said anything after that. But I can clearly see now how you act differently under FEAR. Under constraints. But they are really just an illusion. A construct of your own mind.

That man thought me a lot in hindsight.

He gave me permission to shine the brightest I ever did on the soccer pitch. I was like Messi if you put him in right back. I was on Derby County scouts list from that season. I remember the manager saying I was the best right back this club or county will ever see. I played the best soccer of my life that season.

Why am I a coach now? I know the impact you can have on other's lives. How a few months or years together, can change the trajectory of someones life.

He gave me permission to shine, I am giving you the same gift.

The Origins of ‘guywhodidntsettle’

Inspiration makes so much more sense to me now after I reflected on those experiences and many more over my lifetime.

It’s clear now why sometimes I inspired others and sometimes I didn't. It was all subconscious, but makes complete sense now.

I understand now that people WANT to change. People want to change for the better, whether its for mobility, mindset, career or life.

But sometimes you can’t get there yourself. You need someone to SHOW YOU the way.

When this person comes along and does that for you, shows you the possibilities you have either through their actions or words……………it INSPIRES you. This is what inspiration is.

“Awe is an invitation to imitate” - JBP

When you are in awe of others, it's because you are drawn to them. You want to imitate them. They have characteristics you want to embody. They SHOW YOU WHO YOU COULD BE.

Realise that you ALREADY have these qualities in yourself. If you didn’t…..then you wouldn’t be able to identify them in others.

• You wouldn’t know anger is in others, if you haven’t felt it yourself

• You wouldn’t know what courage is in others, if you haven’t felt it yourself

These are already WITHIN you…..but just not to the degree that you want.

This is why you are attracted to others who show more of it, to draw more of it out of YOU. This is your invitation and permission to bring more of it out of you.

When I got into coaching people back to their Physical Freedom…..I initially had my profile called Mark_mcc92. As my old mentor said “change that Mark, it looks like a barcode. Nobody will resonate with this”

I wanted to change it….but I didn’t know what to. The last thing I wanted to be was MarkMcCourtPT.

My mentor said “it has to mean something deeply to you, but ALSO to the audience and people you want to inspire and coach”

I told him a snapshot of my story - 10 years of chronic pain & injury and having to give up sports I loved to do. Didn’t settle for that, took ownership & educated myself on the body and I got back doing everything I love and more! This don’t settle attitude was the catalyst to change my body, mindset, career and life! Now I want to bring others through this same journey.

What did he write back? He wrote one word

“guywhodidntsettle”

ohhhhhhhh. That made me shiver, but also made me cringe so fucking hard hahaha. The shy, embarrassed younger Mark dies a little inside at the thought of calling my page that. Who I am to say this?

I told him “yeah could be good, but it's too cheesy”. He said cheese is good, it means people can relate.

After not coming up with anything better (and also being able to say ‘my mentor chose it’ when I became too shy to accept that I deep down wanted to call myself this as it inspires me), I went with this after a month. and that's when things started to take off.

Why? because people going through the same thing I did can RELATE to it. They don’t want to settle either, and want to be the guywhodidntsettle too. It's the beacon of hope for those told to settle and written off. With their body, mindset, career or life.

It was a tough decision, but when I looked at the bigger picture, I knew I’d happily be the guywhodidntsettle if it shows you that you don’t have to settle either. And that's exactly what happened.

Through this, I realised the power of a STORY. Stories are innate in human experience.

You can’t get behind and resonate with Mark_mcc92, but guywhodidntsettle…….this TRANCENDS me. This is an IDEA, a VISION, it’s INSPIRATION to show you who you could be.

To change you need to take ownership and get the right education. But before you can do that what do you need? You need INSPIRATION. And that’s what guywhodidntsettle provides

The Leader is the Limiter

The irony is that you probably clicked on this email to see how you can 'become' a leader. How you can 'become' someone who inspires people.

But the reality is that you ALREADY ARE. We are ALL leaders, whether you want to be or not.

I could never say to myself or others that I was a leader. I never thought I was or wanted to be. I wanted to blend into the wallpaper the majoirty of the time.

But as I’ve described in this email, I was and always have been. Just like you are. Just like we all are.

Through your actions & words.

You are either lifting people up through your actions and words, or pulling them down.

You inspire them to rise, or you inspire them to settle.

Every conversation, every action, IT ALL MATTERS. IT’S ALL INSPIRATION:

• From a world stage speech to millions…..to a smile or nod to a stranger on the street

• From a war cry from the Spartans heading into the battle of Thermopylae……to the brave face of a loved one enduring their illness.

• From the gladiators of Rome (gladiator soundtrack by Hans Zimmer currently playing in my ears haha)……to the words of encouragement to a friend in need

• From the brash chest thump of a UFC fighter……to the quiet resilience of a friend/family member through tough times

It all counts. It’s all the same. It all MAKES A DIFFERENCE.

When you understand this, you start to view it so much differently.

Now that I understand we are all leaders (for positive or negative) whether we choose to be or not, I see it clearly.

I have 2 choices in life:

1 - Limit MYSELF…….and hence limits those around me (whether in person or online)

2 - REMOVE MY LIMITS…………and hence make others feel LIMITLESS

My actions can make a bigger difference than I could ever imagine. I have client results that bring me to tears, I also have random messages from stranger on Instagram that do the same.

How my content I write in the corner of a room with headphones on, has helped to change their life for the better. From strokes and helpless, to taking back control. From in the army and struggling, to thriving with new info. From lost and no purpose, to excited about the future.

I view it like throwing pebbles into a river. The act in itself seems pointless, like it won’t create change.

But I do it in the knowledge that further down the stream than my eyes can see………these rippples from the pebbles in the water have turned into MASSIVE WAVES for some people. And I do it for them, just like it was done for me.

To inspire, bring it outside yourself. Connect it to a higher purpose.

Once I understood this, I knew how to inspire people. It came from my subconscious into my conscious awareness, and now I can wield it more effectively

How to Inspire

Now that you know my original inspiration story. Now that you know that we are all leaders in our lives………how do we inspire?

Best place to start is with the “Awe is an invitation to imitate”.

Identify WHO you are drawn to. WHO inspires you?

It can be from real life family, friends, people we follow. To movie & tv series characters.

Think of these people.......WHY do they inspire you? for me it was mainly:

• heroic

• courageous

• integrity

• undying will for the cause

• sacrifice

• humility

• confidence

• conviction

A few characthers that inspired me: Tommy Shelby, Walter White from Breaking bad (see how you can become the villian or hero if you aren't careful), Batman, Ragnar Lothbrook, Lord of the rings characthers etc

A few real life ones - Jocko Willink, Jordan Peterson, Roy Keane etc

You can also flip this on its head and use the INVERSION principle.

Ask yourself.....what DOESN’T inspire me???

For me:

• no courage

• lack of morals

• weak mentally & physically

• manipulative & sly

• out for themselves

• Not connected to a higher cause

See? All I have to do is identify who I DON'T want to be. How I DON'T want to act........then just invert it and see how the opposite is how I want to act.

Another great hack is to ask yourself how would your son (real or imaginary) have to act to make you proud of him (explained in this post here)

Whatever strategy you use......they all converge on this final point: ACTING IT OUT.

Start BEING the person you want to be, through success or failure. That’s it. It’s not complicated.

It's simple, but simple doesn't mean easy.

Just like my story before, you are probably already inspiring people in certain areas of your life but don't even realise.

Reflect on this. See areas you are being inspirational to people around you, and areas where you want to be but aren’t.

The truth is that most of the time you won't even REALISE. But that doesn't matter, because you are being the person you want to be for YOU first. So you do it regardless.

Here's 2 examples of the top of my head of people who inspired the fuck out of me but never even knew:

- In the sauna in Roscommon swimming pool one day. An eldery man in his 60s/70s came out of the steam room to go to the cold shower. Nobody can see him except for me (so he thinks he's alone). What does he do? Get's down on the ground and starts doing pushups!!!! I was like holy shit........I want to still be fit and healthy until the day I die. What an inspiration

- Up in Dublin in the park I go for my walk each day, there is another old man DOING WEIGHTED LAPS OF THE PARK. I shit you not. Same black hat. Same runners. Same shit different day. He pounds the pavement and doesn't stop. Stern mean face on him and he looks at me running past. Looks like he just robbed a house. Little does he know he inspires the shit out of me. I respect and admire him for his discipline. Some day I will talk to him and tell him how much he inspires me, but I won't interrupt his run ;)

Inspiration is Calling

The best hereos aren't the ones who desire the spotlight, who want the fame, they are the ones who are CALLED TO IT.

Usually called to lead in a place they suffered from personally. They have come through the path, and can now be the light for others who are still stuck in that hole with no way out.

YOU can be their beacon of hope and INSPIRATION.

A rising tide lifts all boats. You can pass the torch and make others rise

So do you want to limit others around you, or make them feel limitless????

Realise it all starts with YOU. The leader is the limiter

I'll leave you with 2 stories that pop into my head on inspiration. Ones that inspired me so much.

1. I read about a weightlifter breaking a world record after being inspired by a superhero. He didn't set his expectations of what was possible off other humans, he aspired to be like his beloved superheros. He smashed the world record as he wasn't aiming to just beat the old record holder by a kg, he aspired to be a SUPERHERO. It just shows how humans limit themselves, and are capable of amazing things. And how our beliefs are paramount to that. When we are inspired by to see whats possible whether through fact or fiction. All my superhero references don't seem so mad now do they? ;)

2. A study done on mice in the 1950s. Not a pleasant one as they were putting mice in water and seeing how long it would take them to drown. And would pull them out when they started to drown. First time how long did they last? 15 mins. 2nd time how long did they last? 20 mins? 30 mins?...................they lasted 60 FUCKING HOURS. 60 hours. The finding? the power of HOPE, of INSPIRATION, is a force to be reckoned with. The fact that the mice believed they would be pulled out a 2nd time made them keep swimming for longer than anyone believed possible. If hope & inspiration can do that for a mouse......WHAT CAN IT DO FOR YOU???

3 Actionable takeaways:

1. Analyse where you have inspired others

• We all have the capacity to inspire

• We all have at some point in our life, whether you know it or not

• You have already DONE what you think you can’t

2. Understand the Leader is the Limiter

• We are all leaders whether we accept it or not

• We can either limit others, or make them feel limitless

• How you act & what you say decides this

3. Where are you called to inspire?

• Usually relates to things that plagued your personal life

• You have been through it, so you can navigate it for others

• A rising tide lifts all boats

• Be their beacon of hope and inspiration. Pass the torch and make others rise

Client Examples:

On the client questionnaire before they get started on the program, I ask them WHY they signed up. I pulled out 5 ones here and as you'll see, the main theme is hope and INSPIRATION.

Of course other things have to be there like authenticity & trust, integrity, passion, knowledge, client results.....but see the underlying theme of my content giving them HOPE.

Through my actions and my words, and through client testimonials. We all need inspiration & hope to move forward and take the next step. Myself included.

My Week:

Education:

• Current Reading: The Denial of Death (Actually back reading it this week!! haha)

• Podcasts

(Modern Wisdom Podcast #551 - How much do we actually know about consciousness; Patrick House)

(Modern Wisdom Podcast #556 - How men compete for status; Rob Henderson)

(Modern Wisdom Podcast #552 - Understanding the wisdom of psychopaths; Dr Kevin Dutton)

Business:

This week's client testimonial was Johnny McGarvey! Read his full story here

Personal:

Fun this week:

• Friday: Out for food

Training:

Strength:

- Upper (push): Tuesday

- One arm chin-up session (Wednesday)

- Upper (Push): Saturday

- One arm chin up session: Sunday

With my torn menisucs I have no option for cardio in my apartment. Just walking was giving me pain this week on some days. It's grand at my family home as I have the rogue bike, but no cardio equipment up in Dublin. Will join a gym next week for swims/rogue bike/rower for conditioning days to replace Jiu Jitsu for now.

That's it! I appreciate you reading this far and I hope you got some value from it!

Time for upper push session now.

The leader is the limiter, and we are all leaders.

Keep swimming.

Keep throwing pebbles

Keep chopping wood (this page has been a big inspiration page for me this year! )

Keep GETTING AFTER IT (in the words of Jocko Willink)

Don’t Settle,

Mark