How to Finally Find Your Life Direction in 2023

Around 5 years ago I went to a careers guidance counsellor.

I graduated with a business degree from Dublin City University.

And I had some experience working in:

• Marketing

• Sales

• Recruitment

But I had no passion or purpose in my life.

These jobs were a means to an end. To pay the rent.

I felt lost, and I followed the common route of going to a career guidance counsellor.

I remember saying that I value integrity highly.

That I like business in general......but the shit I saw from my time in sales turned my stomach.

I told him that I like helping people....but I don't know what career would give me purpose?

I think it's fair to say most of us like helping people. But that doesn't mean helping people wipe their arse is going to give me purpose for life does it?! haha.

We need to think a lot deeper than that.

So I answered a bunch of questions in the office with the counsellor.

Most of which irritated me as they were so vague and I didn't really know what to say.

After a while he asked me if I would be interested in:

• Being a guard

• Being a teacher

Guard, nope.

It's not going to be like the movies, I know that for a fact.

I'll be stuck in an office or out on a leash following strict protocols that will probably drive me mad (Public sector never appealed to me. I always liked to do things my own way)

Teacher - yeah I love teaching......but not teaching things I don't care about/have faith in. So nope that's out the window too.

On we go with the search so.

And long story short after another good while (and maybe another session or two, I honestly can't remember)..........he arrived at the SOLUTION.

He had it.

Oh boy, FINALLY. Here we go! Let's hear my life's purpose!!!

"Occupational Psychologist"

"Cool!.............so what is that exactly?"

It fits in with your:

• Love of helping people

• While keeping it in a private sector business setting

• Also brings in an element of psychology which you are interested in

Ehhh.....yeah I guess.....that actually does make logical sense!!!

Class. This is it. I'm meant to be an occupational psychologist!!!

I left feeling so EXCITED. I left with PURPOSE!!

I guess I'm going back to college so. I'll have to save up and do another 4 year course.

That'll put me back in college until I'm about 28/29. Then I can start working for the rest of my life in something I will find great purpose in! Great, that's solved so!

.........right?

I remember telling my dad all this in the car. My plan of going back to college, the courses I had picked out in certain colleges.

I still remember his tone and attitude towards it.

He told me not to jump to conclusions here, and that I need to think through this a lot more. It's a big commitment going back to college in terms of time money & effort.

And for what? A job you heard about but haven't even spent 1 second in? Or shadowed someone who does that job?!

Now he didn't say it like that. But he might as well have.

I remember feeling shot down. Feeling defensive.

My dad doesn't know what he's on about. He doesn't GET IT (ahhh the thoughts of a naieve young man eh?! haha).

Little did I know he saved me from future heartbreak.

I know for a fact now that it would have ended up in 1 of 3 ways:

• Dropped out of the course when I found out it doesn't light me up like I thought it would

• Put all my savings into the college course & then start working, to find out after a while that it's not what I thought it would be. And feel lost again

• Just admitted defeat. Finding passion & purpose in this life is a pipe dream. Something you see in the movies. You had your shot with soccer but you failed. Your chance is over. It's time to face reality. And I work as an occupational psychologist until my retirement and die with regret

Why am I telling you this story?

Because most of you will relate to feeling lost in life coming into 2023 just like I did years ago.

Most of you will relate to just wanting some authority figure to tell you your purpose here on this earth.

You want someone to give you clarity because you feel clueless.

You want someone to take charge so you can feel safe & secure.

I don't know it all.

I don't have all the answers.

But what I can do, is give you the DIRECTION to set you off on your own path to finding passion & purpose in your life.

This newsletter will not be specifically about how to find exactly what your passion and purpose is. (I wrote about that in detail here - "How to Find Your Passion & Purpose in Life"

It will be about setting the foundation for the right DIRECTION to go in life. It's a precursor to the other email on finding your passion.

Right, let's dig into the wisdom & insights I wish I could send to young naieve Marcus.

Who thought with 100% confidence that he was destined to be an occupational psychologist for a brief day or two haha

Let's go through the direction he needed.

Detach from Tunnel Vision

For any problem in life, the first thing we need to do is DETACH.

"The answer to the problem is not IN the problem" - Jocko Willink

If the answer was in the problem, then you would obviously already know it wouldn't you?

But you don't.

You need to detach. Zoom out and see the bigger picture.

It's exponential how much more you can see

Now you will be able to identify the real obstacles that are holding you back. And the best direction for you going forward.

Jock describes detachment as a superpower, and I would agree from having implemented it in my life too on many occasions.

One example he gives from his life is when he was training in the navy as a young recruit.

There was stagnation and indecision during a tactical training drill.

Jocko waited for the order..........but none came. Nobody was telling him the destination.

He was only a young recruit at the time, so he knew he shouldn't say anything.

But with no order on what direction to go: they were sitting ducks, stuck in procrastination.

Jocko DETACHED and took his eye out from the scope of his gun, and he looked around.

He could see that literally EVERYONE still had their eye in the scope, and they couldn't see the bigger picture.

They had tunnel vision instead of the broad view of the battlefield that Jocko had from detaching.

It was obvious to Jocko now that they should "hold left and flank right".

So that's what he shouted.

After receiving direction, "Roger that" was the response.

And they moved into position.

Afterward in the debrief, Jocko was expecting to be scalded for talking charge over the commanding officer.

But what was he told?

"Good call Jocko".

And from there, Jocko understood the real power of detachment. And how it can show you the best direction forward.

He used it to climb the ranks and become a decorated Navy Seal Veteran and commander of Task Unit Bruiser, the most decorated team in the War of Iraq.

He has since used it to build a successful Leadership consulting company and wrote many successful books on leadership with many other principles including detachment.

"Detach, prioritise, execute" is the best route forward.

And that's exactly what we are going to do here.

Right now you are too busy wondering about:

• What career I should have

• What career would fit my personality

• What college course do I need to do now

Take your eye out of the scope.........who said you have to follow that route?!

Step back and see the bigger picture.

Instead of following the myopic masses into an enemy ambush.

Like mine would have been if I went back to college to be an occupational psychologist.

1) Direction Over Destination

You won’t have the exact destination of where you want to go.

I still don’t have the full complete picture.

What you need is a DIRECTION to follow.

Just like the Navy Seals did in that training drill.

By having a direction and moving down that path, more information and feedback come to you along the way to help you make future decisions.

And you iterate and make small changes to your direction as you go along your own path.

This is how it works

Looking for the destination at the start will do more harm than good.

Take Them Down

The direction is what will be most beneficial at the start.

An analogy to illustrate this would be two untrained people in a fight.

They will both wing it and it'll be a lottery on who wins.

But let's say you gave one of them some basic Jiu-Jitsu knowledge.

If you just gave him the basic DIRECTION of Jiu Jitsu (4 steps - take them down, pass their legs, control them, submit them).

Then they would have a much better chance of winning the fight.

They won't submit the other guy with a flashy submission (the destination)......but they have the bare fundamental knowledge to at least MOVE FORWARD in the fight. (the direction).

We think we should somehow KNOW what we should be doing and then we are frozen by indecision.

Just like someone in a fight with no knowledge of what direction to go.

We are not sure which destination to aim for, so we never leave the airfield.

The plane never takes off.

When in reality if you actually just chose a general direction based on your intuition, you would start moving forward and get over this indecision roadblock.

When you are over this toughest part, it's easier from there.

Then you would be exposed to so much more along the journey that will keep guiding you closer to what you actually want in time as you grow and evolve your passion & purpose.

The key here is that YOU CAN’T KNOW BEFORE YOU START.

So get that out of your head.

You want to know because you want ‘safety’.

Humans innately want safety. It’s in all of us.

But here’s the irony.

This evolutionary adaptation that kept us alive years ago, is actually PREVENTING us from living the life we want today.

We float through life like a zombie, rather than experiencing some ‘unsafety’ to go and pursue the life we want.

“Be less impressed and more involved” - Matthew McConaughey

The precursor to action is CLARITY.

So now that you are clear on the first roadblock to overcome, let's take a leaf out of McConaughey's book.

Let's start being less impressed by everyone else's story and the 'destination' they ended up in, and get more involved in our own DIRECTION.

We start by looking inwards instead of outwards.

We start with cultivating the character we want to embody.

2) Cultivate Character over Choosing a Specific Skillset

The next step is to start cultivating the character you want to be in this life.

Someone you would be proud of.

Rather than waste time, effort & money getting qualified in something that you don't even know you will find passion and purpose in.

The man I am now, is the f***king HERO to young Marcus.

When I see the body, mindset & life that I have now from the lens of younger me, I well up like right now.

I remember the stiff, skinny, timid, shy man I used to be.

All of this would seem impossible.

But once you know the amazing adaptability of the human body, plus the amazing power of SMALL GAINS, you know progress is inevitable in time if you commit to the process.

Most of you will read this, try some of it for a month or two……then drop off. Why?

Because you are focused on COMPLETION OVER CULTIVATION.

And this is a fatal error.

It’s not your fault you think this way, society has brainwashed us to.

We are sold the FIX for everything (the opposite of cultivation).

So what IS cultivation?

“The process of trying to acquire or develop (a quality or skill)”

I learned along the way that THIS is really your aim.

To keep developing the qualities of character that you want to become.

And then developing the skills you want to monetise in the future through something you are passionate about.

It’s a CULTIVATION game, and it never ends.

While we don't know the 'desintation' in terms of our life direction.

We have a much better idea of the person we want to be.

You could probably fill out 80% of that right now.

The character you want to be.

The values you want to embody in this life.

Now is the time to get clear on these and start working towards them brick by brick.

Small gain by small gain.

And we do this through ACTION.

"Unless tested, your core values are just spoken preferences"

3) Build Structure & Habits of Success

You are laying the foundation for the skyscraper you are going to build.

You don’t know how high it’s going to be.

You don't know what will be the layout of the floors will be.

What furniture will be in there.

But you know this project needs a solid foundation to build off.

It’s the same with your life.

You don’t know what your dream life will entail, but lets take a leaf from the stoic books.

Let's focus on what we CAN control, instead of worrying about what we can't control or don't know.

We may not know the exact 'desintation' we want to end up at.

But we DO know the structure & habits that will move us in the right direction.

So let's focus on these:

• Structure - wake time, work schedule, passion schedule, fun/family etc

• Habits - Up early, reading, following those who inspire you, physical training, mental training etc

There could be a separate newsletter in itself on structure & habits.

But in brief, here are some things I implemented at the start of my journey of taking control of the direction of my life:

• Started waking up at an earlier time (I used to just sleep in and get up whenever)

• Started taking up the habit of following empowering content (podcasts, books, YouTube etc)

• Started taking my physical training more seriously and got a coach for the first time in my life

I could go on with loads more things, but even those three would have a massive difference over time if you actually implemented them.

Let's conclude this section by referring back to the initial main problem of indecision to make it crystal clear.

We talked about the big problem of not being able to move forward because you don't know what the destination is.

That would be like not going ahead and building the foundation for your skyscraper because you couldn’t decide what couches you want on the 17th floor.

That information is IRRELEVANT at the start.

It doesn't matter.

Stop shooting yourself in the foot.

The only thing in your way is YOU.

Change this now.

Start building the structure and habits that will move you toward the character you want to be.

Start moving in the right direction.

An Example of Direction over Destination in Motion

Let's run through an example from right now of how I still have this cultivation over completion approach.

How I still focus on the direction over the destination for new things I implement.

The fact that I started writing these newsletters in Q4 of last year.

I never liked English in school. I got average grades.

But what have I been doing the last year?

I have been following people who write as a living and picking up on their wisdom & insights.

To see how I could incorporate more long form content in my business as I love diving deep on topics, and its hard to do this on Instagram and other socials.

I followed one in particular Dan Koe, who has made like 700k last year from his own personal business based on writing.

I studied what he does, bought his writing course.......and SHOCK.

From chasing the small gains in writing for around a year it’s slowly been getting better as I go along my own direction and path.

The newsletter that message was about is "How to go from Social Anxiety to Quiet Confidence"

I didn't know exactly the end 'destination' of writing more long-form content.

But I know the direction and my intuition.

I know it helps people by diving more into the deep insights & wisdom to be able to extract more value than surface level social media content.

And I also enjoy writing and teaching.

So it made sense as it's a win win for everyone.

And I am following that.

Will the direction change? Probably.

But the more I write, the more feedback will come to me along the way. Then I iterate and pivot from there.

Same as I did with my life path as I have explained to you already.

"Once you know the way broadly, you will see it in all things" - Miyamoto Musashi

The principles of progress transcend any one domain.

You will start to see the patterns of what works as you go through your own journey.

Get off The Runway

Imagine the difference you would feel if you went from feeling:

• Lost

• Directionless

• Stuck in indecision

And went to:

• Having a direction

• Cultivating your character

• The structure & habits for progress

It's time to get your plane off the runway.

Start building structure & habits of success.

Start cultivating your character over choosing a specific skillset for a job you don't even know if you want.

And start moving in the direction that feels right with this structure, habits, and cultivated character.

How much different would life be for you if you did this?

A lot fucking different is the answer.

At least that's the case from my experience and everyone I follow who has taken a similar path.

Two quotes that stuck with me when I was on the path towards the direction I wanted but wasn't sure where I would end up:

"It's a luxury to pursue what makes you happy, but it's a moral obligation to pursue what you find meaningful." - JBP

"It's better to be on the bottom of the ladder against the right wall, than the top of the ladder against the wrong wall"

I did feel like I had this moral obligation to help people get their Physical Freedom back like I finally did after 10 years.

And I also felt like I was climbing up the wrong ladder on the recruitment team in Facebook.

I wanted to jump off and start on the right ladder but nobody wanted me to.

But when I thought deeply on them, I knew I had no other choice.

If I wanted to avoid the biggest regret on people's deathbed ("I wish I lived a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me").....that I had to do this.

I already had My Biggest Life Lesson From My Most Painful Regret. And I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.

For those of you who don't want to settle for this life of passionless, lifeless stagnation.

Then you know what to do.

Any questions, reach out to me on Instagram and I'll help you get on the path.

3 Actionable Takeaways:

1. Direction over Destination

- Looking for the destination can do more harm than good

- Focusing on the destination will lead to indecision & stagnation

- Choose the direction to get over this main initial roadblock

2. Cultivate Character over a Specific Skillset

- Focus on cultivation over completion

- Focus on what we do know

- Cultivate the character you want to become

3. Build Structure & Habits of Success

- Lay the foundation for the skyscraper you are going to build

- You don't need to know the furniture, to build the foundation

- Start building structure & habits of success into your life

My Week:

Education:

Current Reading: The Denial of Death

Podcasts

(Modern Wisdom Podcast #567 - Dr Jonathan Shedler: 15 Psychoanalytic Concepts to Understand Yourself)

(The Diary of a CEO E201: Stephen Fry "Lost alone and I wanted to take my life")

(The Diary of a CEO E207: Gary Vee's Emotional Confession About His Success & Family)

Business:

This week's client testimonial was Bill McGrath! Regaining his Physical Freedom from being held back and only to operate at 50% in matches.Click here for the full review!

Personal:

Fun this week:

- Friday: Few pints with friends

Training:

Monday: Leg session

Tuesday: Rest day

Wednesday: One arm chin-up session (start of phase 2)

Thursday: Leg session

Friday: Upper (Push) session

Saturday: Rest day

Sunday: One arm chin up session

That's it!

Stop waiting.

Stop debating where you are going to land, and get that plane up in the sky!!

You have the fuel, you have the compass.

The only way to find out more is to get off the runway.

It only becomes clear in hindsight when you can look back and connect that dots that it all makes sense in terms of the destination you arrive at.

And the ironic thing?

You don't even WANT to know the destination.

Imagine if I could give you a blueprint of your whole life from right now until the day you die.......would you want it?!

I wouldn't and 99% of people don't.

Life would become boring and dull.

There would be no exploration, excitement and adventure!

You always hear from the ones who "make it" to the top saying that when they get there ir's boring.

And that the best part of the journey was on the rise.

The last plane just took off.

The runway is clear now.

I'm excited for the life ahead of you.

Don't Settle,

Mark