DON’T SETTLE SQUAD
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The DON’T SETTLE Attitude (Are you the victim, villain or hero of your life?)

The DON’T SETTLE Attitude (Are you the victim, villain or hero of your life?)

Mark McCourt
November 19, 2022

I can remember times as a kid where I played out many different mentalities & perspectives.

Some had a victim mentality......and I can see how it held me back.

Some had the ‘don’t settle' attitude......and I can see how it led to me causing destruction as the villain, or getting progress as the hero.

Of course I was not aware of any of this. But when you reflect on your own life after reading this newsletter, you will be able to spot the same patterns.

You will be able to pick out examples where you played the victim, villain or the hero. And choose which one you want to embody going forward in your life.

Earliest Memories of Each Charachter:

The earliest one that pops into my mind for the ‘don’t settle’ attitude: trying to learn a skill in soccer.

I was obsessed with soccer, loved it. It was the main thing in my life up until maybe 18.

One day I was outside after school or at the weekend as I usually would be. Kicking the ball against the wall, learning skills, playing soccer with rover (came across this pic last week! If you could dribble the ball past rover, you had some pretty good dribbling skills!! Those big paws were tough to get past. RIP).

But this particular day I was trying to learn the skill of catching the ball on my neck. So balancing it on my foot, then throwing it up and catching it on my neck. I didn’t have it yet, but I was getting close to it.

So what did I decide? I'M NOT GOING INSIDE UNTIL I GET THIS.

Simple as that.

I don’t know how much time passed. I just remember being so hungry, all I could think about was the waffles and beans I was going to put on when I finally would get it haha.

But I’m close to getting this, I said I was going to do it, and that's the standard I set for myself that day. And I’m going to hit it.

And what happens? Eventually at some stage I got it!!!! Caught it on my neck for the first time. YESSSSSSSS!!! Then inside for food. And what a fucking satisfactory meal that was haha.

I am so confident at catching a ball on my neck to this day as a result of this persistence (even though I haven’t played soccer in so long). I would bet €100 on the spot that I will catch it on my neck in 3 goes. Anyone reading this want to take me up on it - let's go! haha

The victim mentality example? (which turned into the villain)

My brother is 3 years older than me and wanted to stay over at his friends house down the road who is the same age. I would hang out with them - probably one of the main reasons I was good at soccer was because I played with people 3 years older than me from the start. Looking back, it was usually my brother and his friend against me at times? hahaha how was that fair? I didn’t care if I was losing, I wouldn’t stop.

This day my parents were going out so we had a babysitter for the night. My brother was allowed to stay the night at Liam’s house……but I wasn’t. WHY?! WHY can George go there but I can’t?! I was like a bull. Victim mode ENGAGED. Don’t come near me. Don’t even try to talk to me.

The babysitter saw how upset and angry I was. She let me and my sister stay up late to try make me feel better. She let us bring our blankets downstairs and watch a movie on tv when we should be in bed.

She even took out the chocolate gateau cake from the fridge that we only get on a special occasion like once a week. She handed me the plate with the cake on it. Little did she know I had gone from victim in the meantime.

And what do I do? I FUCKED THE PLATE ONTO THE GROUND!!!!! hahahahaha oh lord. Sent the cake flying. The poor babysitter. Probably didn’t know what to do with me.

What’s the point of these examples? The point is to show you that you can play 3 different roles in your life. 3 different characters you can play in the your own movie of life:

victim
villian
hero

You can see all 3 characters played out by me in those 2 examples.

didn’t get my way & thought the world is against me (became the victim)
rather than being a passive victim, I turned into the villain (threw the cake on the floor)
understanding I am owed nothing, and I get what I settle for. Strive relentlessly for good. (unlocking the skill of catching the ball on my neck)

You adopt your attitude and mentality from lots of things. Your genes, your parents actions, from society etc etc. In this day and age, it usually ends up being a serving of entitlement for starters and victimhood for the main course.

Most things done for us, we think that's the norm. If your parents do everything for you - what will you expect when you go into the real world? If society plays the victim card mainly, why wouldn’t you act like that in the world?

Cook a meal? nah, order it on an app. Look something up? Nah, alexa got you covered. Try to find a partner at local events, nah tinder man. Swipe from the couch.

We live a life of ease, of automation, of entitlement (compared to our ancestors).

Even go back one generation. If you haven't heard “back in my day……….’insert example of how tough we had it'".....are you even the son/daughter of your parents?! haha.

Go back one more generation and we are talking world war 2. Some people are oblivious to this. How do you think we have this easy life we have now?!

People fought for it. People died for it. I listen to many atrocities and war stories to keep me grounded.

Previous generations had it way tougher than us. And they have way less entitlement and victim mentality in general than we do.

You DECIDE the Role You Play

As I grew up, I was starting to become aware of what I am explaining here. I saw how the victim attitude wasn’t helping my life.

- I am in chronic pain & injury and have to give up sports I love at 25

- I am shy, reserved, and wear a mask in life. I'm a 'nice guy'. I have passion to burn but I never share it. I never say what I think

- I am in career I don't like. I'm in 4k of debt

I am not where I want to be in any domain of life. I thought I would make it as a soccer player and that's all I really bet on......but that failed.

So now I decided to look for better answers and FOLLOW THE RESULTS….the best shortcut to progress in anything. Find people who have what you want, and learn how they did it.

From following the likes of Jocko Willink & Jordan Peterson, I saw how important TAKING OWNERSHIP over your own life was. Especially before having the nerve to tell other people what to do and how to do it.

Sort out your own room first before you start talking shit about someone else’s house. Start at the start. With YOU.

- I wanted to go from victim….to VICTOR

- I wanted to go from the villain.....to VICTORIOUS HERO

Understand that we have all 3 of these parts in us. We have the ability to play each character, whether you believe it or not.

The goal of this newsletter is to bring out the hero in you. To expand what is already WITHIN YOU.

Realise that you gravitate towards things you want more of…..but ALREADY HAVE IN YOURSELF.

IF you didn’t have it already to a small degree, you wouldn’t be able to RECOGNISE IT in others.

For example: How would you know what anger or sadness is, if you haven’t felt them yourself? You wouldn’t.

You only know what a hero is, a victim, a villain……because you HAVE BEEN these characters ALREADY. And now you recognise them in tv series, in movies, in life.

Just like I picked out 2 examples from childhood, you have your own examples. From kid to adult, we all would have countless examples of us playing victim, villain & hero.

You only like my content because you see the HERO. I am being the hero in my own movie and sharing this with the world…….and you are being drawn to it subconsciously.

You might know this if you are more self-aware, but the majority of you are probably only realising this right now.

You only ‘like’ my content, because it shines a light on the parts of YOURSELF that you like and want to be more of. Funny how this stuff works isn't it?!

Why do you think I like Jocko Willink & Jordan Peterson? Same reason.

I saw them taking ownership of their life, being the hero in their own movie, and I subconsciously wanted more of that in my life and I was drawn to them.

I understand now, but I didn’t back then when I was going through the journey.

We usually start as the victim when we grow up. We had everything done for us as kids.......and now we are out on our own in the world.

Things don't go as we want, and we fall into victim mode as that's the norm these days.

The first step OUT of victim mode, is deciding to NOT SETTLE for that life anymore. This can lead to the villain or hero as you'll see by the end of the newsletter.

But lets focus first on what the 'don't settle' attitude I preach is actually all about.

The Don’t Settle Attitude (Taking Ownership)

The don’t settle attitude in one line?

“You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you SETTLE for”

This has been one of my biggest life realisations, from my 10 years of chronic pain and injury up to now.

Once I understood this fundamental truth that everything in my life was down to me and nobody else....it was the harshest truth but the MOST LIBERATING CHANGE.

I stopped looking outside to blame, I looked inside to SOLVE

I stopped being the victim, and strove to be the VICTOR

I stopped playing the villain, and embodied the HERO.

You could also phrase it like:

You don’t choose the cards you are dealt, but YOU DECIDE how to play the hand.

These two quotes mean the same thing. To me, they explain life in one sentence. It is my ground zero that I always refer back to no matter what happens.

Are you going to be a victim to the cards you were given? (even though you can’t change it. The card dealer is nature, god, whatever you believe - either way it’s out of our control).

Are you going to become a villian and fuck the game up for everyone else because John & Mary were dealt ‘better’ cards than you??

Or are you going to accept that you were given certain cards, that’s life…….and that the only thing in your control is to PLAY THE HAND AS BEST YOU CAN???

I’ve been the one complaining about the cards (victim), I’ve been the one who flips the table (villain)…….but now I’m the one who just accepts the cards that come and I play each hand to the best of my ability. At peace and excited to see what the next hand holds for me. (the hero).

You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you SETTLE for

Every time I say it and write it, I ingrain it into my brain even more.

EVERYTHING comes back to this point and originates from here. All my ‘success’ in anything…..has come from here. This has been the catalyst to change my life:

10 years of chronic pain & injury, told to settle and give up things I love at 25
Weak & skinny, could never get bigger or stronger, collarbone snapped from a shoulder
Unhappy in my career, no experience or qualifications in anything else

I took ownership of these situations instead of playing the victim and villian, and now through embodying the hero I have:

Overcome my chronic pains and got back to things I love and even hitting the splits
Am the biggest & strongest I have ever been. One arm chin up fast approaching
Turned my passion for helping people get their physical freedom back into my career

I am not owed anything, the world doesn’t give a shit.

I currently have 2 torn meniscus from Jiu Jitsu, the sport I love. The sport I have had to work so hard to get back to. So I have to give it up for a while now again (for the 3rd time in my life). Double knee surgery before I can get back is probably what has to happen.

Do I deserve this? Pffff. You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you SETTLE for. My ground zero. You better believe I’ll be back. Knock me down 9 times, I’ll get up 10. That’s how I am now. I AM the hero.

As Rocky says “Its not about how hard you can get hit. It’s about how hard you can GET HIT AND KEEP MOVING FORWARD”.

We cringe at some of these scenes, largely because we are embarrassed to admit how inspired we are by them. But we shy away.

In that scene Rocky is essentially trying to snap his son out of the victim mentality, and get him to take ownership of his life. You can say it in many ways, but it’s all coming down to the same critical point that can change someones life.

I know my life is down to me and nobody else. I AM THE CAPTAIN NOW. Just like you are for your life

That’s the way it HAS been, IS, and always WILL BE…..whether I want to accept it or not:

- Feeling helpless.....leads to the victim

- Fighting against it.....leads to the villain

- Accepting it is your path to greatness....leads to the HERO

Now that you understand the characters you can be in this life, lets dive into how taking ownership and being the hero can start to change things and get you moving forward on your own path. Towards the person you want to be, and the things you want to do.

Taking Ownership = Taking Control

Once you adopt the don’t settle attitude, you are taking extreme ownership for everything that happens in your life.

But WHY does this work you might ask? How does taking extreme ownership of your life result in progress?

Because when you take ownership, you TAKE BACK THE LOCUS OF CONTROL.

I will make it crystal clear below:

Victim Mentality:

Don’t take ownership → don't take control

Don't take control → cant make changes

Can't make changes → NOTHING WILL CHANGE

Taking Ownership

Take ownership → You take control

Take control → You can make changes

Making changes → Will change the OUTCOME

See the difference?

The victim mentality GIVES control to external things. You are like a ship in a stormy sea with no sails. The sea takes you wherever it wants.

Taking ownership is realising the storm is there, but you put up your sails and adjust them to do your best to bring the ship where you want to go.

The important thing to realise is that YOU ARE THE CAPTAIN OF THE SHIP EITHER WAY.

The only difference is your belief & ability that you can direct the course of the boat, which you can.

Why It’s Easy to Fall Into the Victim Mentality:

Taking ownership for everything in your life is not easy.

But it IS easy to fall into the victim mentality. We all have and still do at times.

It’s easy because we don’t have to take any responsibility for whats happening. “It’s not my fault” is the root of the victim mentality.

When we are the victim, we don’t just give away control, we give away the BURDEN OF RESPONSIBILITY…..and this puts us back into our safe comfort zone.

But answer this question……”WHEN HAS THIS MINDSET EVER HELPED YOU LONG TERM???”

And the harsh reality is that it doesn’t. It might help a little in the short term as we shirk responsibility (and also the shame, guilt or whatever emotion we have attached to it, for not doing the thing we know we should do).

But this only feels good briefly as we get to shift blame onto anyone but ourselves, and hide away in the background.

It’s our parents fault, our friends, the government, the world…….but this gets us nowhere.

You are the victim, and potentially a villain in the making.

This becomes a big problem.

When we put the blame outside of ourselves….then the SOLUTION is also outside ourselves. We can’t do anything about it to change our situation…..as we believe it isn’t up to us.

We wait for luck and hope etc which never comes. We realise over time that nobody is coming to save us.

But once we take ownership and accept where we are now is down to us….now we are bringing it back INSIDE our control.

Once we have the locus of control back….NOW we can do something about it.

Once we take control of it, we can change things, and when we change things it will affect the outcome, and when the outcomes change……. our life will slowly start to change.

I first applied this to my situation of 10 years of chronic pain & injury. Once I finally overcame it, I saw its POWER.

Then I thought.......well shit, I can just apply this attitude to everything else then in my life right?! Yes sir. You can.

So I started applying it to strength training, to my career, to all other parts of my life. And while it was tough to do starting off, and it's a journey of ups and downs as always......I was slowly getting better progress in EVERYTHING.

All because I realised it was down to ME and nobody else.

I am the master of my own fate. I am the hero of my own movie……and so are you, but you just didn’t know it until now.

Take ownership for your life, make the changes needed, and you will start to move forward and get the life you want. One small gain at a time.

There’s a Bruce Lee quote I always remember when I think of getting out of the victim mentality mindset:

“When you find yourself in a room surrounded by your enemies, you should tell yourself, ‘I am not locked in here with you, you are locked in here with me!’. This is the kind of mindset you should have if you want to succeed in life. Get rid of that victim mentality” - Bruce Lee

This is how I think of my goals. The guywhodidntsettle is the hero that goals FEAR. Front splits thought I'd never get him with my starting point, but years later I defeated him. Now all other goals are on notice. One arm chin up was up there on her perch, but now he's shaking in his fucking boots. Once they get the call that the guywhodidntsettle is coming for him, they know its only a matter of time. 1 year, 10 years, 50 year.......they know their card is marked. This motherfucker doesn't stop. Break his legs, he'll endurance hunt you down with his fucking arms.

I have been the victim and the villian. I used to judge myself for it, and still do at times. It’s a work in progress.

But there are some things you need to know which will massively help you drop this judgment, realise its power over you, and step into the hero you know you can be.

Realising the Victim & Villian are parts of me

I’ve been in all 3 roles:

as a child I was a victim
as an young adult I turned into the villian
as a more mature adult I slowly turned into the hero

I pushed blame onto others, onto the supporting cast. I pushed away the control at the same time, and I never even knew. Without this control, I was never able to change things.

This is the way to ensure that you always feel hard done by, a victim of life, and you will turn into the villain if your anger & frustration builds enough.

This is what happened to me. I was the victim, nobody could ‘fix’ my chronic pains & injuries. But over the space of 10 years……the frustration & anger was turning into resentment.

All it can take is to get me in a certain mood. Tell me a story of another person getting shit care and being told to settle in their 20s, and this person giving up things they love to do.

I feel the trigger. The button is pushed. I can control it now, but at times I couldn't before.

I feel the energy rise up in me. It’s not the victim anymore, there is only so long you can stay a victim. I BECOME THE VILLAIN:

- Fuck the physios with their bullshit table tests and same exercises. Telling me to settle and give up Jiu Jitsu. To take up swimming

- Fuck the doctors preaching to me about my body when he's out of shape and can’t even touch his fucking toes.

- Fuck the osteopath taking my money for years and convincing me my hips are constantly out of place so I will have to keep going back. That sliding tackles in soccer are the problem

- Fuck all the diagnosis you people gave me. Making me believe I was humpty dumpty who fell off the wall and will never be put back together again

- Fuck all you for your incompetence. For your illusion of superiority when you were all as helpful as a google search

- Fuck you for never teaching me anything about the human body. I go to you in pain for 10 years……and not ONE of you actually teaches me WHAT PAIN IS?! How the fuck does that make any sense?!

- Fuck you for not helping me. I can’t iron more than 3 shirts without my back pain flaring up, I can’t take a comfortable 2 hour journey on the train, I can’t stand still for more than 20 minutes, I can’t do Jiu Jitsu anymore, I can’t even perform in the bedroom with my girlfriend as well as I would like because of my fucking back & hips

…….I’m only fucking 25 years old…..and I feel like an old man……what’s going to happen now?! Is this just going to keep getting worse??…..

………………see? Bring me to that place, and the villian will come up again. I have forgiven but I haven’t forgotten.

From my experience: the bigger victim you are, the harsher villian you will be….but the greater HERO YOU CAN BECOME.

Why did I pursue this dream of helping people get their PHYSICAL FREEDOM back??

Because I know what it’s like to have it taken away from you. How it starts with your sport/activity but then seeps into every part of your life like a cancer. How it can change you and hamper your experience of everyday life.

If I wasn’t as big of a victim, as harsh of a villian, I wouldn’t be the hero to my clients that I can be as a result of my journey. I wouldn’t have the same drive and passion to pursue this.

Sometimes I used to feel like a hypocrite, like Two-face in batman. Becasue I preach about a lot of mindset stuff, and yet the villian in me can come up and bring me back to how I felt in those times over 5 years ago.

I feel like I have different people inside me. Does this mean I don’t know what I’m talking about? Am I a fraud then?

But this is normal. Why? Because you ARE all these characters in one. Certain ones just come out at different times and stages of your life.

The more you try to SEPERATE yourself from the parts of you that you don’t like (”I’m not a victim”, “I was never a villian” “I can’t act like a villian now since I made it to the hero stage”)……..the more power you give those parts of yourself over you.

Ever wonder why hero’s and villains in movies are so similar? How often the hero turns to the villian or vice versa? Because they have the SAME ATTRIBUTES (Don’t settle attitude, courage, determination, resilience etc)……but they are just choosing to wield it for ‘evil’ instead of ‘good’.

That’s the only difference. They move towards the darkness instead of searching for the light.

Realise there can be no light without darkness......and there is no darkness without light.

They are one and the same. In each and everyone of us. The dark & light. The ying & yang.

You will see this in many cultures/religions around the world. It’s deep in human nature.

“The line between good and evil cuts through every mans heart” - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

I used to believe that some people were ‘good’ and some people were ‘bad’, a naieve view of the world. But the truth is there is good and bad in all of us, but we can CHOOSE which one to focus on.

Accepting that you are not perfect, that you have these ‘darker’ sides to you, this is how you reduce their power over you.

Awareness and acceptance of these parts of you is what helps to integrate them and bring out the hero in you.

I have parts of me that would shy from adversity and be the victim, I shyed away from saying what I thought for about 20 years. This all builds up inside you. This turned into me going fuck this shit and becoming the villian.

I have parts of me that would tear someone to shreds and tell them exactly what I think (the villian). For those who see polite kind Mark trying to help people, you would be shocked. See this side of me and you would be scared.

I’ve shown that side of me to some people I never wanted to see, but that’s life. You live and learn along the way.

Now, my villian is reserved for anyone who would try to harm my family or loved ones (or content when its useful haha). If you are not prepared to do violence, you will always be at the mercy of those who are.

“The branches of the tree cannot reach to heaven, unless its roots reach down to hell” - Carl Jung

As I said, its the biggest victims, the biggest villains……who make the greatest HERO’s.

The extremes are where you learn. Nothing happens in the middle, in the comfort zone.

The more of a victim you have been, the more of a hero you WANT TO BE. The more of a villian you have been, the more of a hero you WANT TO BE

I work on bringing out the person I want to be, the hero that takes ownership for his life, and moves forward from there at peace with himself. Providing inspiration and education along the way to bring out more hero’s from the crowd.

To turn victims and villians into hero's.

The hero is in all of us. I know it's scary, I know your nervous. I know deep down in your heart you know who you could become.....but you are not sure if you can step up.

I get it. I'm the kid who cried to get out of going to tin whistle practice. I was too embarrassed to play in front of others. I hated it. I hated any eyes or ears on me. I just want to be left alone.

But there is a time where you need to step up and be counted. No matter how you feel. No matter your starting point. Every master was once a disaster.

“A great man doesn't seek to lead. He's called to it. And he answers. And if your answer is no, you'll still be the only thing I ever needed you to be......my son" - Dune

This is how I felt. I have passion, mission, a purpose. I know the hero I need to be.

I was called to it, I never asked for it or wanted it......but the call came and I answered.

I know my worth doesn't depend on it. I know I don't have to......but it's the man I want to be. It was time to RISE.

RISE (Choose the Hero)

Recognise all the possibilities in front of you.

Looking back I could see how I:

- CHOSE to be the victim at points in my life

- CHOSE to be the villian

- Am CHOOSING to be the hero

It has led me towards the person I want to be, the progress I want to make, and the life I want to live.

The important thing to realise is that it's a CHOICE (whether it’s consciously or subconsciously chosen).

Reading articles like this to develop your self awareness is what will bring the unconscious into your conscious awareness, so that you can change it going forward.

Think of it like a computer. We are all running certain programs that were installed onto our computer when it was set up. Unless we ACTIVELY CHANGE THOSE PROGRAMS……they will just continue to run forever.

But realising that while we may not be able to change the hardware, we can CHANGE THE SOFTWARE of the computer, and install different programs. More EMPOWERING programs.

Understand that you need to go through all 3 characters, to be able to be the greatest hero you can be. So don’t look at them as ‘bad things’, look at them as building blocks to become the hero you need to be.

You can either live by DEFAULT or live by DESIGN

DEFAULT = victim mentality and believe you can’t do anything. This is your ‘fate’
DESIGN = take ownership and create the life you want. Become the hero.

All 3 characters are still available to you & I at all times, and we will drift into them sometimes. But I have the awareness now to ‘detach, prioritise, exectute’ to quote Jocko. To get my perspective, to take ownership, and start behaving like the hero again. And you can too.

We all have 2 choice's after reading this newsletter:

Stay in the victim mentality and potential villian mode
Take on the Don’t Settle attitude and take ownership for your life....become the HERO.

There is no 3rd option.

One option leads to feeling sorry for ourselves, one leads to feeling EMPOWERED.

Choose ownership. Choose to be the master of your own fate, the hero of your own movie from here on.

Stop blaming the cast members and the supporting actors. It’s down to YOU to act out the ending you want, no matter where you are in the movie now. There are many scenes left.

Even if the script written by you is not what you want anymore…..YOU CAN CHANGE IT NOW.

You choose the script, you choose the cast members, you choose the supporting actors, and YOU are the main character. Go on the hero’s journey

Are you noticing now? How most movies have the same arc? The same hero’s journey? For batman? Same for religion and Jesus himself?

The hero’s journey is inherent within us. It’s time to stop watching everyone else's journey and go out on your own one.

If I’m the mentor, well then it looks like you are just about crossing the threshold into the unknown wouldn’t you say? ;)

It’s time to RISE. Rise into the hero you were born to be.

3 Actionable Takeaways:

You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you SETTLE FOR

This is ground zero for us all
You can be a victim or take ownership
You don’t choose the cards you are dealt, but you DECIDE how to play the hand

2. Not settling and taking ownership is the way forward

If you don’t take ownership → You don’t take control
If you don’t take control → You can’t make any changes
If you can’t make any changes → NOTHING WILL CHANGE

3. You can be the victim, villian, or HERO

We all have these characters within us
We have played these characters at certain phases of our lives
You can CHOOSE to be the hero of your own movie going forward

Client Example:

Every client I am proud of. When you sign up, you are literally taking ownership of your movement limitations. You are stepping out of the victim/villian.....and into the HERO role.

It's the client that overcomes it and gets their PHYSICAL FREEDOM back. I am merely the guide, educator and facilitator. My role is just to bring out the HERO I know was already in there.

The example that springs to mind is Jack. Sometimes I joke that he is the real guywhodidntsettle, not me! haha. We have similar stories, but Jacks was from a worse starting point.

From a car crash, to physios/doctors for diagnosis of bulging discs, osteoporosis, degenerative discs, being told he's too young to have this happen to him. Struggling to tie his shoes at work, to walk to the printer. And culminating in having to give up Gaelic in his early 20s.

But Jack didn't settle for that ending, and got back playing championship football down in Kerry!! Go read Jack's story and see the power that stepping into the HERO can have.

Oh baby. I'm getting chills writing this. Helping someone rise.......nothing gives me more purpose or meaning on this earth.